Texts from the Midnight Channel

(607): So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
(607): These are the moments that bond souls forever.

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(845): He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought

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(732): FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY

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(979): It’s been hot as balls outside. It’s like getting tea bagged by the Sun.

[Source (dead link)]

(315): I’m wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.

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(618): He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time.  He might be a fucking super hero
(618): I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.

[Source]

(519): was it more than 30 minutes?
(416): ya
(519): then you’re in a relationship

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(978): i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis

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(267): of course we have a beer bong
(267): how else would we feed our christmas tree

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(+61): Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?

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(719): Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.

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(902): I’ll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.

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(914):  I’m sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.

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(757): Come on the kid is gayer than me
(757): Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt 

[From Persona 4 The Animation, episode 25]

(516): i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal

[Source]